im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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