I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We need to rekindle our bromance
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
