He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
