Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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