today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
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