i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
