i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
