No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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