He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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