I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
