Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
