You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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