he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well I just put wine in my tea
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
