wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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