You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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