yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just forgot I was standing up.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
