The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
