I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
