I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
