I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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