You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
