just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Actions speak louder than pants.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
