Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
