I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
