JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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