i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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