I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
