I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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