God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Randomize
