taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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