'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
