He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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