It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
