no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
