it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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