My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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