Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
