I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
