went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
