Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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