I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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