I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
