We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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