I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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