The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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