Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
