yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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