Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize