So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
