i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
