It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
