and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
