Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
