What did we do last night that was yellow?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
