I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
