Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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