Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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