Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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