Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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