She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
