Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
