Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
