I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize