Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I did not marry a roomba.
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