i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Every concussion has its silver lining
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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