I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize