I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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