all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
