In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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