Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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