Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just invented taco cereal.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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