I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
