I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
