Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
